Keeping My Head

Maintaining Self-Control When We Don’t Have Control – 5.28.22

I originally sat down to write this post on April 30th, and it is now May 28th. At that time, I had been thinking about this topic for weeks already… Whew, that’s what the end of the school year can be like for educators. The end of this one was particularly challenging for our community, but that’s for another day. The end of the academic year is a time filled with culminating events – awards ceremonies, field days, projects, commencement, and so much more. In education circles, it is also the time when it seems that everyone is tempted to lose their head. It’s as if we have reached the end of our individual and collective self-control. Perhaps if school were to end a few weeks earlier, we’d all make it safely across the finish line. However, I fear moving the line would only induce the behavior to follow suit.

As I reflect on our temptation to abandon self-control during this season of the year, I am reminded of some lessons I learned recently from our students. Not long ago, I was privileged to take a trip with our senior class to visit several national parks in Utah and Arizona. I am challenged by their response to several situations, and if I can learn to respond in like manner, I may just keep my head when all around me are losing theirs (I love the first line of the Kipling poem, “If” – check it out below).

To begin our trip, we met at school shortly after 3am as we had an early flight. We were fortunate to have a charter bus that would transport us to the airport. The only problem – the bus didn’t show. After multiple calls and attempts to get them there, it wasn’t happening. No parents to take them as they simply dropped off their students. The adults began to fret and develop a plan to drive buses to the airport and abandon them for pick up later. Fortunately, one of our parents, a school employee, was willing to drive a bus as well. While all of this was happening, the students simply enjoyed each others company. They didn’t care how we got to the airport, the buses were just fine. Quite frankly, they were a little oblivious to the problem altogether. They were too busy enjoying themselves. The adults, however, were a little stressed.

After arrival in Las Vegas, our bus broke down on the interstate on the way to the Hoover Dam. While out of our control, we were concerned about the itinerary, and the cracks in the tour company planning began to show. The students turned the bus into a party and began to celebrate our bus driver and his victory over the broken belt in the back of the bus!

A planned lunch at Wal-Mart en route to a destination (over any possible restaurant?) – no problem, the students saw opportunity. The adults were left shaking their heads (and eating mini pretzel dogs from the lone restaurant inside).

Poor planning leading to the postponement of our trip to sand sledding? No problem, more time to hang out in the hotel together.

A planned dinner at a meager burger joint (pic below) that couldn’t hold us and took about an hour to get us through the line. Adults shaking heads, students raiding the children’s vending machines with spare coins for bouncy balls that were being deployed across the parking lot. Some said it may have been the highlight of the trip (it was early though).

Shady stargazing appointment = student dance party

A pizza joint too small for us = student meme sharing and dinner with the bus driver

Inability to hike the Narrows @ Zion = bike riding and a 1st for one of our students

Too much time to kill in Sedona = a petting zoo with street performers

So many examples of ways the students responded to potentially difficult circumstances by seeing them as opportunities. As an adult, I chose to see the difficulty, disappointment, or the worst of the situation, while the students chose differently. On the way to the airport we were parked on the interstate due to a brush fire. It looked like we were going to miss the first leg of our flight, then it looked like we could miss our connection in Houston. The students literally held a dance party on the bus while we were all scrambling for plans, back up options, etc. We were a little exasperated, and this was compounded by a complete lack of concern and responsiveness by our trip company. The juxtaposition between adults and students was comical. Needless to say, we made it through (running) the airport (we only lost one student for a little while) and made our flights.

Because the bus didn’t show up at the beginning of the trip, we confirmed it several times for our return. However, when we landed in Nashville and arrived at the baggage claim we were notified it wouldn’t be coming to pick us up. Impossible. It was after midnight and 40 of us were stranded in the airport. As adults, we rallied for the students, but inside we were spent. The students transformed the baggage claim into social hour and game night. Fortunately, one of our bus drivers was awake and he began the voyage to school and then the airport. The bus ride home was memorable as we packed the aisles with luggage and crowded into our seats.

Victor Frankl, a holocaust survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, said, “everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way“. It’s hard to believe that Frankl can take this position given the atrocities of the Holocaust. It makes sense. Much of what I have discussed above is inconsequential in the big picture, but there are often significant life events that impact us in meaningful ways. Regardless of the circumstance, I have the freedom to choose my response. Frankl said it another way, “between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom”. It appears there is always a space between what impacts us and our response. It is in that space that I must choose, and in so doing, demonstrate my growth, my maturity, and my freedom.

Even little children sing about the fruit of the Spirit. As a reminder, here they are: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law (Galatians 5:22-23). If I am a Christ-follower, I am to live by His spirit and demonstrate self-control. There is no limit to His Spirit, and therefore, no limit to self-control, regardless of what I would like to believe. Consider the life of Jesus and how He exercised freedom in self-control. When the rich young ruler chose possessions over following Him, Jesus looked at Him and loved Him (Mark 10:21). Jesus ate dinner with Judas even though He knew he was about to betray Him (John 13:26). Perhaps most poignantly, He forgave those that were crucifying Him (Luke 23:34). Jesus fully exercised freedom in self-control because He was focused on a greater mission – conquering sin and death. He was focused on those He came to save. Rather than ourselves, we should also be focused on a greater mission – a lost and dying world.

Too often we want to justify our lack of self-control. We were wronged, we are right, it’s not fair, etc., and meanwhile the world is watching. If I had lost my head on our trip, what would the impact have been on the students? What would have been the impact on our bus driver? Trip leader? As leaders, educators, and followers of Christ in this world, we are to exercise our freedom by choosing our responses and modeling self control in the midst of challenges. The world is watching – will they see me, or Christ in me (Gal 2:20-21)? I must respond differently than the world, because this world is not my home. I am on an alien journey and my citizenship is in heaven (Phil 3:20). My behavior should echo this reality to all of those around me.

Join me on the journey. Oh, and let me know if you need any travel advice…besides tour guides or bus companies

In Him,

Andy